Fixed Infatuation Page 19

  It was my therapy.

  I’d started a whole new book. One I had no clue if the publishers would appreciate it or want it, but it was all I could do to keep myself together. I was coping. Writing was cathartic for me and dealing with the loss of my relationship and an important person to me was all I had. Poor Sandra had wanted to fly back out to offer me some sort of comfort. She knew I was distraught, but she wasn’t really the comforting type. I wasn’t in the mood to hear her telling me there were plenty of other men out there who could make me feel good. And that wine was always the answer.

  Blake was who I wanted to make me feel good.

  I frowned. Reaching up, I touched the corners of my eyes and lifted them. I looked tired. I shouldn’t look tired when I’d been getting an abundance of sleep. “Seriously, Molly… cucumbers.” I scolded myself out loud. Maybe I needed to book myself a full day at the spa.

  For now fresh air was in the cards. A brand-new café had opened on one of the piers and there was a patio set up with chairs and tables. Sitting outside with my laptop and the sea air could do me some good. I wasn’t exceptionally hungry, but I needed to eat. I headed out. I made a concerted effort not to look across the street. After the hospital, I used to watch Blake’s house. Waiting for little glimpses here and there I could catch of him. Almost like my heart needed to see him to fill a random hole. After hiring a company to come in and finish the rest of the work in my house, I’d seen him outside. He looked exactly the same, and while that relieved me to see he was in one piece, he didn’t seem at all happy to see me. He’d watched me from the front of his walkway as I shook hands with his competition, and he glared at me.

  I’d hoped like hell he understood why I’d asked someone else to do it instead of him. The house had sat in the same state we’d left it in for too many weeks, and I couldn’t look at it any longer. Frankland had come in and been efficient and quick. They did exactly what I’d asked and did it in a timely manner. My house was finished, and I wasn’t in the least bit happy. I even started to consider contacting Melonie to possibly put the house back on the market. But I wasn’t decided just yet.

  Feeling grateful for the sunny day and warmth, when I got to the café, I asked the hostess if she could seat me outside. She smiled and led me to a black iron table that looked out at the water and the next pier over. I set my laptop down and opened the menu. A cucumber and tuna sandwich with lemonade sounded good.

  I placed my order with the waitress and took a moment to breathe in the salty air. The sun felt incredible and my poor pale skin was soaking in the rays. I was wearing a pair of cut off shorts, flip-flops, and a fitted T-shirt that said, ‘Coffee over Cardio.’ People smiled at me when they read it.

  There was a commotion as a small group of men walked out near where I was sitting but a few tables over. They were slightly loud, but male voices tended to be a bit more boisterous than females. Of course today would be the day I forgot my headphones. Oh, well, I’d have to drown them out with the sound of my own chewing and the seagulls calling at me to toss them a crumb.

  Suddenly one of those male voices spoke a little louder than the others, and I immediately recognized it. My heart dropped into my stomach. I didn’t want to look. I fought the need to with every ounce I had. I hadn’t seen him in the crowd when I’d glanced over at them. I had no reason to assume Blake was with them since they were all dressed in business casual clothing. Blake wasn’t exactly the blazer wearing, polo sporting type. I needed to get out of here.

  Slowly I stood and gathered my things. I tried not to draw any attention to myself and kept my back to the table of men. I prayed like hell Blake too had his back to me. I scolded myself for leaving my hair down, as it was blowing in the wind and a dead giveaway that it was me. I was just at the entrance to the café when I heard him.

  “Molly?”

  I froze. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do here. Did I turn around and face him? Having a confrontation on a patio in public wasn’t my idea of fun nor appropriate. Shoving the door open, I went inside.

  I saw my waitress near the register. “I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, but I need my food in a to-go container, please. I need it rushed also.”

  I kept glancing at the door leading outside. There was no sign of Blake. He must’ve decided to leave me alone. I was handing the waitress my card when Blake’s voice sounded behind me. Nope… not here. I moved to the hallway with the bathrooms.

  “Molly, goddamn it, would you stop?”

  I looked over my shoulder as I started to go inside the women’s restroom. It was a single room with a lock on the door, and I was grateful for the privacy. Before the door shut all the way, a large hand pushed it open and Blake came barging in like a human mountain.

  I exhaled and shut my eyes. “Go away, Blake.”

  “No, not till we talk.”

  I took a step back as he shut and locked the door behind him. “I’m pretty sure everything you needed to say has already been said.”

  His presence took up a large part of the small area. “There are a few more things that need to be said.”

  “No, there aren’t. You let loose just about every emotion on me that you could in the hospital. I think we’re safe to say the words are running on empty.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest as if to protect my heart. “No, no I don’t think so. I’ve been in the same place every single day, Blake. Where have you been?”

  He took a step forward. “Giving you your space.”

  I looked around the bathroom. “My space? You think I needed space? You got overwhelmed by your dad being in that hospital room and me knowing something personal about you and threw me out. You never bothered to call. You didn’t come knocking on my door to check on me. You simply left. You stopped existing, Blake.”

  He dropped his head. I could see his features gave away the warring thoughts he was having. “Okay, maybe that’s how it went down. And I’m sorry for not checking on you. It was wrong. Very wrong.”

  “Blake, it hurt worse than my broken arm and bruised eye. Knowing you were so close to me, yet so far away.”

  “Why didn’t you come to me?”

  I gaped at him. “Are you kidding me? Why would I go knocking on your door like the pleasant little neighbor that I am? Did you want me to bring a plate of cookies while I was at it? You fucking hurt me, Blake.”

  He took a few more steps toward me and I backed into a wall. I hated that we were having this conversation at all, let alone in a public bathroom. He was so close to me. I could smell that delicious soap on his skin. His deep brown eyes were full of emotion. His muscles bulged beneath his thin dress shirt. He was exceptionally handsome looking like he was. He towered over me and I wanted to collapse in his arms.

  “I know, and I’m sorry. I know I messed this up, Molly.” He paused and shook his head. “I need you to hear me out. Half of my life I’ve spent dealing with the shit end of the stick. Aside from my sister who just doesn’t even acknowledge my mom being gone. The very people who shaped me as a boy were the ones who left me to fend for myself. I’ve been clawing my way to the surface ever since. Until you, I hadn’t had a single person show compassion like you. You are a breath of fresh air.”

  “Then why treat me like you have? You don’t get off that easy, Blake.”

  “I know. What I’m trying to say is, you’ve got to give me some credit. I’m doing the best I can. I know my best hasn’t been good enough for you, but I’d like the chance to show you I can try harder.”

  I blinked rapidly. “What? What do you mean ‘try harder’?”

  He moved to stand only inches from me. When I saw his hand come up out of the corner of my eye, I knew I’d lose. If he touched me, any fight I had left in me would be gone. I’d melt into him and I’d open my bleeding heart to possibly be stabbed by him again.

  He bent at the waist and put his forehead on mine. I shut my eyes and a single tear fell d
own my cheek. “Shhh, don’t cry. I’m sorry. Shhh…” he cooed. His fingers tried to dry my cheeks. “I need you in my life, Molly.”

  I sniffled and stepped around him. “I’m sorry, Blake. You don’t get off that easily. Your family may have put you through hell, but I’m not them. I’ve never been them. And yet, you treated me like I was that day. You knew my intentions were good. Am I supposed to just forgive you?”

  His brows came together. “No, I suppose not.”

  God I needed air. He was crowding me. As much as I wanted to fall completely into his arms and take every word he says as gold, Blake needed to prove to me he wasn’t all talk. Pushing this issue aside or sweeping it under the rug wasn’t the answer. I stepped to the side to allow a little space between us.

  “Go back to your meeting. I’m sure the waitress is looking for me.”

  “Molly, we need to talk more.”

  I nodded. “Okay, but not right now.”

  “At least tell me you believe me when I say I’m sorry.” He sounded so defeated.

  I pathetically attempted to crack a smile. “I believe you, but it’s hard to have a serious conversation standing next to a toilet.”

  I heard a small chuckle come from his chest and it warmed me. He went to the door and placed his hand on the knob. “Can I stop by later?”

  I shrugged. “When have you ever asked if you could come over?”

  The russet color of his eyes seemed to soften. “You and that smart mouth.”

  “Yeah.”

  He walked out, and the same cold and empty feeling washed over me. This wasn’t fixed. Not by a long shot. Did he think a few kisses and an apology would sooth my wounds? Some may not think this all was a huge deal. That maybe it was a misunderstanding. But misunderstandings don’t drag on for as long as this had. I needed more than an ‘I’m sorry.’ I needed to know he really meant what he was saying. How or if he truly was going to do that, I didn’t know. But the ball was in his court.

  Molly

  BLAKE DIDN’T SHOW THAT NIGHT like I’d expected him to. In fact, I never even saw his car in the driveway the whole evening. Naturally I thought the worst. That maybe he changed his mind and sought comfort elsewhere. I’d fallen asleep on the couch, which made me feel all the more pathetic.

  This morning, I woke up with a kink in my neck and a nagging feeling that this wasn’t what I needed. Maybe Port Townsend wasn’t the place for me right now, and I need to pick up and find somewhere else. Living across the street from Blake was proving to be too much, and for my own sanity and heart strings, they needed to be cut.

  I phoned Melonie while I made my coffee. She wasn’t exactly shocked that I had made the decision to sell. She told me that after flipping the property, I could make some really good money on the sale depending on the renovations I’d done. I gave her a time that she could come over today and assess everything. After hanging up, I plopped back down on the couch.

  Today was going to suck. Hard work and tears were poured into this place. It had been a labor of love. I had my whole heart invested. And by whole heart, I meant every little bit of it. My pride and dignity were teetering on the edge as I felt I was being toyed with. I hoped like hell I’d be able to find somewhere else to feel contentment.

  It took no time at all before my doorbell rang, and my realtor stepped inside my little transformation.

  “How are you?” She greeted me with a hug.

  Poor Melonie had no idea how much I needed it. I squeezed and released her. “I’m good,” I lied. “I have no idea how this all works, but please, feel free to look around and ask anything about the work.”

  Her eyes scanned nearly every inch and surface. We went from room to room and she was nearly silent as she wrote things down and moved on. We ended up back in the kitchen and she set her pen and notepad down on the counter.

  “I have to say, this is probably one of the most shocking changes I’ve ever seen. When you bought this place I was certain you were well over your head and you would have called me before now to try and sell this place.” She ran her hand over the granite I’d picked to match the backsplash. “It’s stunning. All of it. I don’t think you went too high-end, but you did just enough to make it shine.”

  I beamed. It felt good to smile like this. “Thank you. And listen, I’m not looking to make a profit. I just want my money back. If we have to list it as such so it sells quickly, then I’d rather go that route.”

  Melonie cocked her head to the side. “Oh. Can I ask why?”

  I shrugged, not caring to go into detail. “I never bought this house to make money on it. But it’s been so trying getting it done, that I think a quick sale is best so I can pick up and move on.”

  She eyed me curiously. “Molly, you do know you could easily get an additional ten grand if the right buyer comes along.”

  “I have no doubt about that. But I think right now, the sooner the better. I wasn’t doing this for potential resale or money.”

  She nodded. I knew she didn’t get it, and I didn’t care. “Well, if I could make one suggestion, I’d touch up a few places of the paint in the living room so it all appears fresh and brand-new. Any personal touches or photos might need to come down, as most buyers can’t picture themselves in your house when it’s you they are seeing.” She laughed at her own joke.

  “Okay, I’ll do that this evening.”

  I signed some paperwork stating that she was my realtor and she had the rights to show the home and place a lockbox on the door. She told me she had a ‘For Sale’ sign in the back of her vehicle and would put it up now since she was here. The house wasn’t officially on the market, but if passersby saw it, they could call her and get the information while she drew up the paperwork and wrote out a listing.

  I watched from the window as she stuck the sign in the yard. I realized my decision was very abrupt and not even thought out before I leapt. I knew I’d probably drive away from here, slapping myself and saying I allowed a man to drive me away. I loved it here. It brought me comfort and solace after my mother’s passing, and for that I found I was more attached than I expected I’d be. But I wasn’t going to do this for another day. The bad habit of looking at the green house across the street. Or wondering if he’d moved on. It was too much for me.

  The rest of the afternoon went on as usual. I shoved some furniture out of the way and laid down a drop cloth so I could paint without making a mess. I decluttered personal belongings, which didn’t take long. It was only a few framed photos. The living room was prepped and I was rolling out a pale gray on the wall that had a few spots of missing color. I think it happened when I scraped the ceiling.

  I was halfway through when my front door opened and a very pissed of Blake came charging in. His chest was huffing and puffing and he was glaring at me much like he had that first day I saw him. I was startled by the intrusion, but other that blinking at him a few times, I gently set the roller back in the pan and sat back on my feet.

  “What… the… fuck,” he said, annunciating every word. “Why is there a for sale sign in the yard?”

  I should have assumed this confrontation was coming. I don’t know why I told myself he wouldn’t care enough to come over. I didn’t have an answer, so I stayed silent.

  He stood, his appearance intimidating, yet sexy as ever. He was once again dressed in business attire and I wondered why such formality. “Hello, do you have anything to say? There’s a fucking for sale sign in your yard, and I want to know why.”

  “Because I’m selling the house.”

  He turned around, giving me his back. His hands fisted his hair and he was trying to compose himself. “Jesus Christ, Molly. We have a fight and you suddenly think you need to move and sell?”

  Okay, no. “You think this was a simple fight? Just an inky dinky little fight?”

  “Yes!” he nearly shouted.

  I stood up and marched toward him. Shoving his chest, he took a single step back but otherwise barely budged. “You’re d
elusional, Blake Whitmore. You tossed me out of your hospital room like I was day old trash. You haven’t spoken to me in how long, and you think we are just bickering.”

  “Well, it certainly wasn’t of the caliber to sell your goddamn home!”

  “You… haven’t… talked… to… me,” I ground out. “Where the hell were you yesterday, huh? I sat here, expecting you, and you didn’t show. Did you go running to another woman?”

  He jerked his head back. “Is that what you thought? Molly, my sister stopped in town as a surprise to me and I had dinner with her and the kids.”

  Oh. “Well, that doesn’t explain why you couldn’t have called.”

  “True. I’ll give you that. But I felt it more appropriate to just wait till we could talk in person. I had no idea you were waiting for me. I wanted to come last night, I really did. I got in so late, and I saw your lights were off. Now I come home from work and you’re getting rid of your house. I don’t get it.”

  I felt kind of sheepish for assuming he was with someone else. I had no idea his sister was here. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  He motioned to the sign in the yard. “Doesn’t explain that.”

  I sighed. “Blake, my heart hurts. You not showing last night, nor calling, one could only assume the worst. These last few months have been hell for me. Do you have any clue how it felt having strangers in here doing the jobs you promised me you’d do? Do you have any idea how it felt seeing you over there day in and day out, and you weren’t speaking to me? I can’t keep up with the disappointment. It’s too much.”

  His eyes softened and he kneeled down in front of me. “I need you to listen to me. And listen good, please. Really hear me this time. When I first met you, I was infatuated with you. You were this fiery blond-haired woman who wasn’t in the least bit intimidated by me. You had an air around you that was hopeful. No matter how many times I tried to dampen your spirit and said you couldn’t do something, you were determined to show me different. Never have I had that. It’s contagious, and I’ve missed it. I need that in my life, Molly. I demand it to be in my life.”